Limerence and Melancholy
Its 3 am.
And like always, you’re on my mind.
But something feels different tonight.
For some reason, the thought of you doesn’t make me smile.
My mind races, as I question, yet again, if I did the right thing by holding on to you. By letting myself fall for you. If I did the right thing by desperately trying to preserve us, the idea of us, and what we felt was love.
It hits me again, how different we are. And how our ideas of love are poles apart.
My mind then races, taking me back to the ruins of the past. My scars light up and the painful memories return. I see a naive me, distraught and heartbroken.
Is it trying to warn me? I wonder.
‘Caged by my own thoughts,
Locked inside my head.
I see at a distance,
Chirpy sunflower fields.
While the roses in my heart are dead.’
But before another thought can come to mind, it brings you in front of my eyes, and I look into yours.
I see your pure heart. I hear your therapeutic voice, as my mind repeats every affectionate thing you’ve ever said to me, every word of yours which has brought me a step closer to trusting you. I feel you next to me, your presence, as it reminds me of every second of every minute we have spent together. Each one of which I have wished would never end.
‘They prick my soul,
I hastily awake,
To realize what i had dreamt.’
They, the roses.
Once again, as your thoughts successfully take over all my senses, I wander back to my happy place. And all the times you’ve made me smile come rushing back to me.
As my mind continues to make me fall for you again, any doubts I ever had about us go away. And whatever chaos my heart was in, seems to fall into place.
by Amisha Singh | instagram: amixhaa